Big Boys Don’t Cry……Be The Man!


  • Big boys don’t cry.
  • Be the man.
  • Wear the pants in the family.
  • Real men don’t ask for help.
  • One mood – ALL the damn time


^^ How many of us men have heard these ^^


Just as with anxiety, it is pretty normal to have times where we are less than happy. Life isn’t always roses and rainbows.  April showers bring May flowers, right?

But when the April showers turn into thunderclouds then torrential downpours that never seem to go away, that is a problem.

Depression, to me, is like being covered head to foot in medieval armor.

I don’t feel the outside world. I don’t feel the sun, or the wind, or other people’s’ joy or hurt. I’m just numb. But nobody sees me, either. Well, no, they see what I LET them see. What I WANT them to see.

I can light up the room with my smile. I’m the life of the party.

That’s what everyone sees.

That’s my armor.

But inside this armor, I’m screaming to get out. To be seen, heard, recognized as ME.

See, I’m not numb at all. It’s just that my pain is trapped here in the armor with me. And, it being armor, it’s actually heavy. Physically heavy. My muscles ache. My very bones ache.

Some days, it takes all I have to get up and get moving. Life of the party the night before; slow moving train wreck the day after.

Someone asked me one day what I did for fun, and I honestly couldn’t even think of an answer.

That bothered me A LOT.

So many of the things I used to do gave me no joy anymore. I wasn’t going to the gym, barely walked the dog. Couldn’t be bothered to golf, to hike. I was happy (? Less unhappy ?) just staying home, Netflix and chill.

Depression doesn’t come in like a freight train. Depression comes in slowly, insidiously, slyly.  You hardly even notice that Depression has completely taken over your life, until it is too late.

Depression isn’t like anxiety, where at least you know you’re alive because your heart jumps almost out of your chest when you panic.

No, depression comes creeping in, taking up just a corner of your soul, stealing a little of your happiness away at first.

Used to love your job, felt like a valuable member of the team…..Depression whispers in your ear…. “it’s just a job, and not one you do well.”

Used to love going out to see the latest adventure shoot-out blow-up movie……depression murmurs….”maybe not tonight, just stay home”.

Slowly, ever so slowly, depression enters in, twists and twines itself around your heart, your soul, stealing little bits and pieces of your happiness…..and you don’t even know it’s gone until it’s almost too late! You just stop enjoying everything you did before.

Hobbies go by the wayside. Friends and family become too much to deal with.

And you find yourself doing not very much and wanting to just be alone.

And you feel so ALONE! Even surrounded by family and friends. You can be told daily, even multiple times a day that you are loved, you are special, but it just doesn’t penetrate. You don’t hear it, you don’t feel it.



By the time you realize what is going on, Depression has such a hold on you that you can’t shake it, and sadly, Depression works in such a way that you don’t WANT to shake the hold.

But what if you could stop it?

There is a way to fight back against Depression’s tentacles. There is a way to work your way free from its cunning hold.

As anyone with Depression can tell you, it’s a battle. See, Depression doesn’t want to let you go. It lives in and thrives on your misery. So Depression itself stops the desire to get rid of it.

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your start feeling depressed, so you tell yourself to knock it off…..other people have it worse….you’re fine…..what have you got to be depressed about…..and you beat yourself up and feel depressed because you are depressed.

Depression wins that round.

With that truth known and accepted, sometimes we need an approach that takes very little effort. At least in the beginning.

Neurofeedback works directly with the brainwaves to calm the over excited brainwaves and to stimulate the lazy brainwaves that are stuck in a rut.

The neat thing about neurofeedback is that it takes absolutely NO effort on your part.

There’s no need to dig into your feelings, examine your past, bare your soul to a therapist. (All these things are great, btw, it’s just really hard when you are already struggling Depression-controlled exhaustion).

Neurofeedback allows you jut just sit, relax, and allow your brain to regulate and re-train itself.


And over time, you notice that you are feeling better. You feel again. The armor comes off, the feelings are getting through again. You can connect.

Neurofeedback was like taking off the armor a piece at a time. It was such a gradual shift, and yet profound. I realized that I had energy to do the things I like to do. Go to the gym. Get back to my much loved hobbies (Society for Creative Anachronism, can you tell?). I feel like myself again.

Powerful words, indeed. If you or a loved one is struggling with depression and you want to make a change, give us at Zenvana a call.  We will be happy to help.